My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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