my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I forget how to act sober
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
