fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
