2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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