I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We smell like vodka and hangover
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