I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
