I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
