man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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