I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
