She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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