Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
