So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
