she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
