I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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