Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
