so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
