Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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