Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
