At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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