What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
