I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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