Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize