I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
