No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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