I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
