I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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