Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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