alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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