i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
