If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
