Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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