This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
