I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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