what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
