Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I died a long time ago.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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