last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
