Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
