You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
