it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
