my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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