It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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