You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
