my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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