btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
