$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
