When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
