Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
