i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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