I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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