Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you inspire me to be a worse person
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
