Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
