i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
