just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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