I think I died a long time ago.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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