no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
