I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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