Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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