Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
