apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
