Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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