Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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