just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
