they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
