Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
