you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In America we eat man semen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We talked him into tasing himself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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