Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
