I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
