hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
