my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
