I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
