New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
