He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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