i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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