Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
