I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
