Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
