I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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